Chapter 57

Pride is the one sin that, the more we have of it, the more we hate to see it in other people. The degree in which we react with self-righteous indignation toward someone exhibiting pride is a measure of our own. As discussed in the previous chapters, there are two primary categories of pride we should concern ourselves with in recovery: the narcissistic, arrogant type and the “false pride” type. We know what arrogance looks like and we all hate it, but what does “false pride” look like?

I believe there are two different types of false pride. One is where you try to gain respect, adoration, and recognition from others through intentional, fake appearances (in other words, you lie about your accomplishments to gain unearned respect). An example of this would be a man who has superficial self-confidence and pretends to be more than he is (I could go into great detail here to explain the hidden psychological motivators that might fuel this, but we'll get into that later). The other type of false pride is also known as "false humility," which is simply giving off the appearance of humbleness when secretly harboring prideful intentions and feelings. An example in the exposition of this type would be: Someone who, rather than just graciously accepting a nice compliment, would unnecessarily downplay themselves in an effort to fish for more flattery to inflate their ego.

A truly humble person with an accurate, confident self-image that is based on their identity in Christ would simply reply to a compliment with a nice “thank you.” This would reflect a proper self assessment of who they were, rather than focus too much on what they’ve done. This is extremely difficult to do, but we all must appeal to this higher standard of ourselves with the help of God. In summary: Pride is damaging to both ourselves and others, whether it be true or false. Humility is accurate self-knowledge; the good with the bad; being comfortable with who you are and not pretending to be what you are not; it is honest. When all is said and done, I would rather be fool in the eyes of man than a fool in the eyes of God.

Here is a quick little checklist to keep in mind about us: self-image = the picture of your soul, self-esteem = maintaining self-image, self-confidence = practicing self esteem, pride = overinflated self-confidence, ego = arrogant self-confidence, vanity = exhibiting pride and ego. Do you see the connections?

It is difficult to keep our confidence in check with humility. A simple picture of the right kind of confidence would be having an accurate self-image not too high, not too low, but just right. All of us who are members of the human race are at any moment in danger of allowing pride to creep into our psyche, it can be very subtle. The danger in overlooking pride in ourselves is that it strains our relationships and reduces our ability to influence others in a positive way.