Chapter 75

There is a point in time when parents and family must intervene in an addict’s life to interrupt the destructive behaviors and patterns of addiction, so I shall rather proceed at once to describe a brief arrangement of the categories to become consciously aware of. Almost all forms of addiction (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes) begin when kids are the most impressionable and vulnerable in the early teen years, which consequently ought to be looked upon as the best time to intervene. (In consideration of the abundance of knowledge against the abuse of drugs and alcohol, what grown adult would pick up and start using an addictive substance?) If you ask ANYONE in recovery when they started using, you will find that each one admits their first use around age 14 or 15 (sometimes even earlier). It is difficult for a parent to stage an intervention at such an early age, but it could save a lot of trouble later down the road. This however is an issue I wish to touch upon only in passing, for with causality and prevention, at present, I have nothing to offer. I prefer to focus more on the matter of expiation.

Many parents think if they ignore the problem it will go away, or maybe it’s just a stage that they’ll grow out of, or worst of all they may think “it can’t happen to my kid.” I can think of nothing more that opposes the absence of ignorance than this. The irony here is that the kid also thinks “it can’t happen to me.” ‘Denial’ is the single greatest ally of addiction through every progressive stage, and there are moments when boundaries seem to have no limitations. As an addict is descending deeper into hell, he eagerly notices people around him that are worse off than he is and then uses this as an excuse to keep using. The minute you hear an addict say “At least I haven’t done that yet,” or “At least I’m not as bad as that person,” then you know his fate is sealed. We call this way of thinking “minimizing,” which is actually extremely common among addicts and the families that enable them. An addict is completely blinded to his own condition and cannot heal when worrying about someone or something else, for it is well known that strong desire can easily deceive people. This way of thinking MUST be undone before a process of recovery can begin.

After treatment, the family wants to believe things are fixed and they may revert back to the same interactive behaviors that existed before treatment. This is a big mistake. Parents will start to overlook problem signs again, the addict will lie and manipulate again, and everyone will ignore their gut-feeling message (which is their conscience begging for notice). A strong cloud of delusion will envelop everyone as ‘denial’ once again rears its ugly head. The denial here is that everyone thinks after treatment that all is well, and they no longer look at behaviors as symptoms of an illness. If the addict begins to return to isolation, pulls away from the family, or starts to blame others for his life problems, you can be sure that relapse is on the way. But this time the grief is much more intense and unbearable because of the loss of hope that was built up during treatment. And this is especially true if the addict has been through many treatment attempts and failed; for this is when a sense of hopelessness overwhelms everyone involved. The addict will become frustrated, blame the programs, blame God, blame the devil, blame the families, blame the law, or blame everyone on earth –but himself and his self-inflicted disease. It would be quite erroneous to give up here though.

You must never forget that addiction is a disease that wants to kill; there is no cure, and it will only appear to decrease and gradually disappear. The ONLY thing an addict in recovery will ever have in the form of a ‘cure’ is a daily reprieve contingent upon the persistent maintenance of spiritual principles reinforced by regular support-group meetings. Here is a simple analogy that might help you understand: The life of an addict is like an escalator going down when the person needs to go up; if he stands still or walks backwards, he will reach bottom (again). There is no standing still in recovery; he must continually walk up the escalator even though he’ll never reach the top floor. No matter what though, as long as a person still has a pulse, there is hope. It is promising if an addict learns that his complex behaviors and attitudes are only a camouflage for the disease of addiction. All of these glaring character defects must be carefully unlearned over time with spiritual help.