Chapter 57

Pride is the one sin that, the more we have of it, the more we hate to see it in other people. The degree in which we react with self-righteous indignation toward someone exhibiting pride is a measure of our own. As discussed in the previous chapters, there are two primary categories of pride we should concern ourselves with in recovery: the narcissistic, arrogant type and the “false pride” type. We know what arrogance looks like and we all hate it, but what does “false pride” look like?

I believe there are two different types of false pride. One is where you try to gain respect, adoration, and recognition from others through intentional, fake appearances (in other words, you lie about your accomplishments to gain unearned respect). An example of this would be a man who has superficial self-confidence and pretends to be more than he is (I could go into great detail here to explain the hidden psychological motivators that might fuel this, but we'll get into that later). The other type of false pride is also known as "false humility," which is simply giving off the appearance of humbleness when secretly harboring prideful intentions and feelings. An example in the exposition of this type would be: Someone who, rather than just graciously accepting a nice compliment, would unnecessarily downplay themselves in an effort to fish for more flattery to inflate their ego.

A truly humble person with an accurate, confident self-image that is based on their identity in Christ would simply reply to a compliment with a nice “thank you.” This would reflect a proper self assessment of who they were, rather than focus too much on what they’ve done. This is extremely difficult to do, but we all must appeal to this higher standard of ourselves with the help of God. In summary: Pride is damaging to both ourselves and others, whether it be true or false. Humility is accurate self-knowledge; the good with the bad; being comfortable with who you are and not pretending to be what you are not; it is honest. When all is said and done, I would rather be fool in the eyes of man than a fool in the eyes of God.

Here is a quick little checklist to keep in mind about us: self-image = the picture of your soul, self-esteem = maintaining self-image, self-confidence = practicing self esteem, pride = overinflated self-confidence, ego = arrogant self-confidence, vanity = exhibiting pride and ego. Do you see the connections?

It is difficult to keep our confidence in check with humility. A simple picture of the right kind of confidence would be having an accurate self-image not too high, not too low, but just right. All of us who are members of the human race are at any moment in danger of allowing pride to creep into our psyche, it can be very subtle. The danger in overlooking pride in ourselves is that it strains our relationships and reduces our ability to influence others in a positive way.

Chapter 56

(chapters 55, 56, and 57 are all my best attempts to summarize some teachings that I learned by researching the subject matter of pride in a book and a few articles that I read... I have avoided putting my normal philosophical spin on things, and I hope my readers enjoy it)

In the previous chapter we examined pride and its adjuncts. Now let us consider another kind of pride that is often overlooked; and that is self-pity. When a man is being prideful he is focused too much on self, which is exactly what is happening with anyone self-absorbed in a sense of failure. People who seemingly espouse endless variations of self-pity (or sometimes called “false pride”) think they might conceal their motives of wishing they could be recognized or considered more important than others.

The prideful and overly self-focused person is one who complains or whines about the fact they are not getting what they deserve, or that they are not elevated and esteemed as they think they should be. When they find these desires unfulfilled, they become even more inwardly attentive and continue the vicious cycle. Basically it all boils down to this: Proud people believe life is all about them –their happiness, their accomplishments, and their worth. But what about God?

Do you see the inherent problems with being unthankful to God for what good gifts and talents He has given you? Do you see a problem with focusing too much on what you don’t have as opposed to what you do have? Do you see a problem with being angry at God for what you perceive as unfairness? Thinking on matters such as this poses great difficulty for most of us (especially me), but it is helpful to our growth to try and change into who God wants us to be. And that is loving, selfless, thankful people who seek to give God all the glory and seek none for ourselves.

Chapter 55

Humility is the opposite of pride. You cannot have humility where pride exists, and subsequently it is one of the most hated sins in the sight of God. We find a message in Proverbs 16:5 which says “Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord; assuredly he will not be unpunished.” (NASB) We also find another passage in Proverbs 26:12 which says “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (NASB)

The question to ask yourself is not, “Do I have pride?” but, rather, “Where is my pride?” and “How much of it do I have?” and “What can I do to resist my pride?” At the center of our sinful nature is the inclination to think too highly of ourselves at the expense of loving others. The great preacher Charles Swindoll once said, “The world’s smallest package is a man wrapped up in himself.” Since it is obvious we are to avoid pride, let us consider a brief explanation of what it is.

There are six different Hebrew words used for pride, and all of them convey the following: lifting up, highness, magnification, rebelliousness, or presumptuousness of self. In Greek, the words for pride occur in two categories, one of which is “straining or stretching one’s neck” (as if to hold one’s head up high because of what he has accomplished or made) or “to magnify, or be haughty.” The other category in Greek conveys “blindness,” or the concept of being “enveloped in smoke.” Basically all throughout the Scriptures in both the Hebrew and Greek languages, we find that prideful people are portrayed as simply having too high a view of themselves. We learn that while we can be self-important and high up in the clouds in our own thinking, we are actually blind.

Here is the plain truth: In our sinful nature, we are blinded to our pride, blinded to God’s truth, and consequently blinded to reality. Pride is often indiscreet and very subtle, and is easily undiscerned by most people. It is more commonly cherished than spoken against, and it can take many clever forms. The various words in the Bible used to describe the character attributes of pride are the following: vainglory, boasting, conceit, loftiness, arrogance, haughtiness, presumption, being puffed up, high mindedness, scoffing, and self-seeking.

In the Bible, we never find the message “you’re thinking too lowly of yourself,” or “you should consider yourself more important than others.” In fact, quite the opposite is true. The fascinating insight about God’s plan for humanity is this: We are given many Biblical illustrations of how pride appears, and Scripture tells us to stop focusing on ourselves and what we want –and if we do, God will meet our needs. This requires walking by faith, not by sight. And since this very thing goes against our nature, we discover it as one more piece of evidence of God’s design.