Chapter 10

There are quite a number of common threads that weave addictive behavior. When contemplating the unadulterated motives behind this concept of “victimization,” which is an observable mindset almost all addicts share in common, I no longer buy into the popular, theoretical, cognitively appeasing notion that we are all victims of our addictions. This in part because I believe we create our own predicaments from the oftentimes-tainted paradigm in which we view ourselves and the world. We have become a nation of excuses and victims. One inevitable consequence of that way of thinking is a vilification and detraction from individuals who do well in spite of circumstances.

Much of the following flow of thought is a culmination of what I’ve observed with general addictive behavior over the years. Granted, the support and sympathy you get from calling yourself a victim temporarily distracts you from the inevitable pain of acknowledging your own weaknesses and inappropriate choices –but you still must realize that all of this constitutes personal responsibility. You must face the fact that something more than circumstantial occasion led to your dilemma; you know you made choices that led you there. It is only when you understand that humbling yourself to this truth enables you to become free from the internal misery of guilt and regret and become empowered to be and do better.

This is all so palpably correct and seemingly simple. Why is it such a challenge? Why do so many people agonize over these simple moral decisions? One reason is the innate need of people to belong, to be attached to family, friends, and “support” groups. There is comfort, safety, security, and exclusivity in belonging. In this, we see the unabashedly, quixotic attraction to openhandedly giving in to peer-pressure – both good and bad.

People often permit themselves to be plagued and overwhelmed by their cowardice; their need to fit in somewhere; opportunities to inappropriately vent rage; displacement of personal responsibility; and their desperate desire to seem important even if only by the exercise of raw power - sometimes malevolently rationalized through a distortion of religious values and obsession over control.